Making it

This story isn't to have tears drop this is to create sunshine on the rainy days. Whew I made it to 30 I made it. The scars the memories couldn't break me, you know what broke me was me thinking I couldn't recreate this thing called life. Well let me start by saying the sky is the limit its possible to go beyond the stars. A African American little girl coming into a world that she knew would just love and care for her, that became the opposite. Bright lights, doctors rushing in the room to save me and get that toxin out of my body, but who knew that the toxin in my body was the start of a cold world. Being placed in the hands of a guardian but not someone you called mom, more like to the state of California. Growing up not holding, not hugging, not being cuddled by the woman who gave you birth we call mother,mom,or mommy. Just handed off to someone who was supposed to protect you but end up failing you in the most horrific ways you can think of. Doll babies, barbie dolls, stuffed animals were given to me but what about your loved ones, siblings. The excitement that must've been on faces were covering up for the abuse that was gunna take place. Apple juice was the only thing and milk that my body knew, when water was created to hydrate you and give you nutrients you needed. The cry baby the baby that hollered when she couldn't get her way. You thought you could call her spoiled, but it was damn she a hollering ass baby, why does she get what she wants. Is it because she was the youngest, she couldn't speak on what was going on...A child thinking crying was getting her way, but siblings took the blame, took on what was supposed to happen to me, it didn't stop at them, the taller I got the older I got it trickled down to me. Even being a baby it happend, what was supposed to be love and cuddles and the endless caring turned to create memories that took years to be erased. The abuse, the dark clouds, the storm, the availability to what's not supposed to be available, the let down of human beings that made promises to never leave me, never hurt me, always will  be back. The shadow that followed me even when the light was peaking through. This is who I am i thought for years...I am getting back my life I am rewarding how far I came this is what I call meking it.